WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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