Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
