He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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