I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
