from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
