So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
