After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
