I don't usually arrange sex via text message
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
