I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize