We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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