gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
