He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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