Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
