Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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