so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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