She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
