you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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