He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
