I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
