i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
