we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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