I molested 6 butterflies tonight
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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