After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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