Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I will be naked everywhere
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
