I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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