Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize