Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
