So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
