Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize