Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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