Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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