Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
