I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
