This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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