after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize