he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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