Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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