I heard we made out
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
