As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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