Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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