Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
