She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
