Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
