She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
