How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
