forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
