She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
