best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
