I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
