margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
