he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
