RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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