fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
