happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize