I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
