Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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