Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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