hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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