if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
