the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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