what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
