So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
