My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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