You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
