The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
